Where’s the direction in all that?
On the plane ride here I pondered on what would be my theme; what would I paint. I suppose that was a huge waste of neurons; how in the hell would I know what would inspire me, while sitting in that dreadfully uncomfortable airline seat? My first painting I created, after I touched down, was of an actress. I painted her on paper. She’s very lovely…but something felt so forced about the piece, I gave it to my host, Sandra. I didn’t give it away because I hated it, not in the least. I gave it to Sandra because, well, she liked it, and I wasn’t feeling it.
I finally just said to myself, fuck a theme, just paint and paint what YOU enjoy! So that’s what I’ve been doing. Now I’m back to over analyzing my last piece. I’ve looked at all the pieces I’ve painted…looking for a common thread, besides them all being women – and I can’t really find one.
Is this really an issue?
I feel very strongly about using this last piece of canvas to tie everything together. When I visualize what that might be…I see a huge cluster fuck with a bed and a crow. Oddly, that’s what I’m feeling…my mind is a huge cluster fuck of whimsical visuals and my emotional state is one of anticipation, anxiety and joy.
Glad I’m not baking cookies, this recipe would be a disaster!
Adding to my box of inspiration - this video is calling me. The visuals move me - and resonate deep within. I'm not going to analyze it now...but I think I might need some blood, (painting blood as a symbolic meaning for wounds and trauma). Sadly, I have not mastered painting in black. It always comes out very flat or silly looking. The video is haunting because there is so much black...one day I'll figure it out.