I’m happy to be back in Portland. I’m home, sort of. I’m staying rent free in a very unhealthy environment. Verbal abuse, emotional abuse and physical threats, and yes, physical violence: A scar to prove it.
Needlessly to say, I landed in February and took off running. I was hired at Starbucks, which at the time was a blessing. I’ve realized that my mental health issues do not go hand in hand with a corporate environment. They just don’t. Meds and mood swings don’t allow for a lot of petty bullshit. That’s all I have to say about that. So, now I’m in a much better place, employment wise.
My current living situation has me picking bridges to jump off of. We have plenty of bridges here in Portland, so it’s not like I’m out of options. But I don’t want jumping off a bridge to be an option. I’m assuming the Willamette River is cold this time of year, plus it's so polluted, hell; I just don’t want to go out that way.
This housing crisis in Portland is just that: A fucking crisis. I was seriously eyeballing a work/live space across the street from where I work. Glass garage door, that opens up into a wonderful studio space, kitchen area with a half bath. The bedroom/private space is upstairs…loft scene. Full bathroom off of the bedroom…oh, what a perfect place to create – get foot traffic, not to mention I could live and work in the same space.
$1800 per month. Yeah, it’s worth it, but guess what? I can’t afford that. Not even close.
Okay, so that’s not the place for me. With that said…where is a place for me? I need to move out with the quickness. It’s not a buck-up-little-girl situation; I seriously need to get out. I’m being triggered; it’s a total mind fuck, and one that I just knew I was done dealing with years ago. Years ago.
Tossing it out there…that’s all I know how to do at this moment in time.